North Donner

05:33 pm: AHAHAHAHA

The Ryans are fucking awesome! Can't deny our sexiness either!

02:52 pm: oh I miss myself from time to time. livejournal is fun to look back and sorta see who I am (through a really fucked up small lens of cynicisms and stupid humor).

anyways, I know that I would be happiest if I was around all of my friends but I really feel like being alone sometime. And, on top of that, my computer with all of my pictures and work and everything else that I've collected over the past two years crashed. So, Im basically having to start over again from scratch. Um, its not that bad, but it is just kind of a reminder of how frivolous everything can be. When I was in high school I got into a habit of moving and having to just pick up and start over again in a new town. But, I've been here in Tucson for three years now...going on my fourth. My life has become pretty solitary. And, I like the consistency of being familiar in my environment, knowing lots of people, having places that I can sort of call my own. But, I miss excitement. That's why I like meeting new people or hanging out with people that I haven't seen in a while.

I don't know, this whole posting thing is kinda silly. And reading back on my journal, Im just reminded of how silly I can be. A thought captured in time can be portrayed a thousand different ways. And to think...people will read my livejournal and take what I say to heart. If they don't know me, they'll read what I say and think that I'm completely serious and genuine in everyting I write.

If anyone feels neglected by me...I'm sorry. I've been really scattered and busy lately. I'm working A LOT lately and I'm taking 16 units. OH and model UN too....yeah I'm still doing that. Um, come visit me at work(epic cafe).

-Ryan

08:00 am:


Lots o' Fun down in the busiest bee of them all.

( Read more... )

So. we found a few ghosts but we need to go back so we can stay at the Shady Del and eat at Dot's Diner.

-Ryan

10:52 am: ...I'm listening to The Postal Service again.

You laugh but I know for a fact that all of you do it too. You do it in the solace of your cars or over headphones but everyone gets all nostalgic and emotional (at least once every three months). We all want that idealistic feeling that Ben Gibbard makes sound so obtainable. haha.

Uh. Yeah. OK. Cool. Um.

Livejournal is lame (I might as well keep this whole post as stereotypical as possible).

This

is

really

annoying

when

people

do shit .like this.


we all kinda want to be e.e. cummings but its not going to happen. And people who love Sylvia Plath piss me off. She was a nut job who wrote kryptic poems and stuck her head in an oven to kill herself....

sorry, just something I needed to get off my chest.

ok. now I get to write a paper explaining how the world would be better off if everyone had nukes!

08:12 am: I wish every hour of the day was filled with Arizona sunsets and the smell of old books and rain. I think I could live in a place like that.

08:45 am: I thought it could be perfect.

...I wish it could've been.

04:33 am: 1. Got off work early.
2. Met up with my new sweet bike gang.
3. Ate good guacamole and drank a Corona.
4. Broke into an old elementary school playground.
5. Pretended to be chased away by the cops with my sweet bike gang.
6. Sitting at epic working on homework and prepping for finals.

...I needed tonight.

11:08 am: I wish this semester would end so I can have a weekend to relax. Then I'll start into summer school!!! YAY!!

08:54 am: I've grown a greater appreciation for love songs recently. I used to always listen to them and feel that I was lying to myself about how much I could connect with them. The lyrics would be catchy and fun. I'd sing along until a line about love came up. I just couldn't justify faking that I'd ever been in love. I can sing along now.

...anyways. This is kind of a pointless post but I haven't posted in such a long time and felt that it was necessary to do so.

-Ryan

04:50 pm: "nother hard day at the office"
So much homework....
So much responsibilities....
It's taking a tole.

But I am going to Boston on Wednesay and I won't be back until Tuesday. I also wanted to let everyone know this so if you try calling and I don't pick up....I have a good excuse this time.

I'll be at the office a.k.a. epic tonight doing homework.

-Ryan

10:46 am: Damage is done.

Two sets of swollen eyes.
cold hands, running nose, freazing face and watering eyes

Campbell is beautiful at 3:00

New Day.
Page 1.

09:52 am: YAY! teehee!

04:49 pm: So
believe it or not
I'm happy.

Again my right nuckle is cut
I didn't do it to myself this time.
But, I am so glad that it is
this way.
I have been finding many reasons
these days
to be a better person
a happier person
a
nicer
person.

Unfortunately, I want to close myself off.
This is for precautionary purposes
in that I am tired of being hurt.
*this is a general statement so don't read anything personal into it*

I am eternally open
to those who
I open myself up to.

redundency rocks by the way.

ok, I'm going to go
before I get gushy.
-Ryan

12:30 pm: GO TO HELL
I can't believe I'm writing this again but....

PLEASE DON'T TALK TO ME. ANYONE.

there, now I feel much better.

oh and don't take offense. I just hate everyone from time to time and most likely its not you.

11:11 am: .
hehe.

class has ass in it.

hehe.

02:39 pm: .
.
I might have made the claim that I hate all people who have someone...but I recant when I say that seeing some people together kinda gives me hope.

Not everyone though.
I see some people together that just makes me shriek out loud, "What the Fuck?!".

You'd think through twenty years that I would have seen every mismatched couple possible but yet I am constantly reminded of my persistant state of loneliness and pathetic lack of confidence.

However, I am often given small glimpses of hope.

They may be fleating but they're enough to bring a smile to my face.

I'll smile untill I find someone who brings constant dimples.




oh..

and tell whoever is sending me junk mail that promises to enlarge my penis to go fuck themselves.

seriously, its not helping.

03:14 pm: All yous people who have someone....well to hell wit ya!

yeah, I'm lonely. SO WHAT!!!
I'll sit and drink coffee by my lonesome if I want.

Please don't look at me.
Don't talk about me.
And for fuck's sake don't talk to me.


Soon school will give me a purpose to be shut off from everyone and perceptions of those who stare will be that I'm way to busy to be social.

So be it.

On a lighter note..

I...uh...love everyone.

09:56 am: .
.
WTF!?!

Grandpa Woodstock is back in town.

09:44 am: I'm smiling a lot more lately.

But my dreams still have the tendency of haunting me.

This, I am tired of. Why can I be content in my normal day and desire and laugh and lust and appreciate...

but in my dreams I'm traped

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! STOP COLLECTING THE FRAGMENTS!!!

11:41 pm:

Cutest little guy ever.

Scottsdale was fun, especially seeing my half sister and her husband and kid.

I also ran into Josh while he was working at a gas station in Scottsdale. Extremely random and awesome.